APOLOGIZE-A-PHOBIA
Show me a perfect location for a secret war, and I'll show you the heart of man. Same wilderness, same adversity we've read about from Exodus to Judges; only the battle is within. A New Testament brings new nicknames for the struggle (self-esteem, inner child, limbic system, subconscious) but it’s all the same. It's a passionate journey to that "Promised Land" on the inside, past that "golden calf," and around those Jericho-size towers of bondage, on a Joshua-like mission. And with those psychological Pharaohs and Philistines long gone, you might picture that same heart abounding in power and freedom. And you'd be wrong. The children of God today live in constant fear of being invaded by their own human nature.
It’s called Apologize-a-phobia: the fear of saying, "I’m sorry." Symptoms range from insomnia in the soul to guilt contamination in the heart. And it’s the most overlooked mental illness of all time. Trust me, I’ve seen them all. As it taunts the nerves just like Goliath, this condition is the new "golden calf:" an altar to sacrifice everything on just to protect one’s shame: friendships, family, reputation, even their own life! And sufferers don’t understand the paradox of being willing to die for their secrets, while claiming that God is first in their lives.
Sufferers wrestle day and night like Jacob, but with a mirror, petrified to see themselves for who they really are. They'd rather create an artificial masterpiece of their own image inside the eyes looking back at them. And this gets spiritually expensive: Deceit, Secrecy, Extortion, Threats and Pandering to the ones who can prove they're only human. But they've really lobbied themselves out of a life worth living. Picture a soldier hiding in the bushes (in a public park), cartoonically afraid of any merry-go-round symbol distracting their vanity. After all, they are on an (invisible) image-mission inside this "secret war" which, by the way, was already won (John 3:16)!
But how did they get this way (Genesis 3:10-11)? The recipe is simple. All anyone has to do is loose their faith. They must forget the entire purpose of Jesus, and/or trick themselves into thinking they’re somehow disqualified. And the devil’s more than happy to help! Biblical Algebra is just as happy to interrupt. As a Christian who pre-loves you likes Jesus, I remind you that Christianity is a self-cleaning and forgiving way of life. So do the one thing Satan can’t do: get back in the game!
There’s nothing that God can’t forgive. And these sufferers can begin recovery as soon as they repent.